Well it seems like I am in a classroom of late. Everyday I receive a new lesson from Him, which is great, other then it exposes so many things that I haven’t yet grasped. I am reading a book about the third member of the Trinity ( Holy Spirit ) and it has stirred up all kinds of good things to this point. It hasn’t been the clever insights of a person that has grabbed me but rather the scriptural references that I have actually taken the time to read and ponder before moving on. Sometimes I think that I grab hold of truths I discover and shove them in my knowledge sack and keep moving. There the truths remain until the hole tears in my sack and they are lost. It’s kind of like storing up food but never eating so I starve to death in my abundance.
So this morning as I am reading the author speaks about spiritual discernment and gives this example. A certain place had an outpouring and people flocked to that place. There were all kinds of manifestations like barking like a dog and other strange things. Then she questioned whether it was really a move of God or were the leaders all caught up in something else. The author however being a person of discernment wasn’t buying into it. I think I know the place that she is referring to. In my imagination I could picture this author sitting on her throne of great wisdom and casting her judgment from afar. I immediately felt anger rising quickly towards this person and rather then this person being a source of blessing they were now an enemy. My appreciation for them and frankly my trust in what they had help reveal to me through their study started down the drain.
I was so disappointed but tried to read on past this section. I could not get past this offense though. Everything I read including the scriptures that I had been so stirred with meant nothing. So I then ask the Holy Spirit for help because I was now stuck. New thoughts began to fill my mind and displaced the thoughts that produced the offense and anger. This person is not my enemy. This person is on her own journey with God calling her forward deeper into Him. She is my sister in truth and at this point we may not see things the same way her hearts desire is like mine. I realize that the anger that showed up in me was not so much what she wrote but it touched on a place in my own heart that is in bondage, like prison of wrong thoughts that actually has be bound in this area.
I am reminded now just what it is like to actively converse with my companion ( Holy Spirit ) and that He will ( as a really good friend will do ) expose some of “my truths” that are actually lies. He will lead myself and any one of us, further and faster, then any other way of learning, independent of Him. He truly is our teacher, our friend and the very breath of life for us here on the earth. If I am going to get to the root of this thing that is so poison in me I am going to have to co-operate fully with my friend regardless how scary it may looks and abdicate the throne of my heart and that is what I find myself…… Just Thinking