Pain and it’s many forms

PAIN 1Pain in the neck

Pain is something that we all live with in one form or another. It comes in all shapes and sizes and is like a parasite as it sucks the life from it’s host. For this blog I want to explore the pain caused by betrayal. It happens to us all on the road of life but it doesn’t make it any less painful. I became familiar with betrayal as a young boy. Not all homes were that warm safe place growing up and mine wasn’t either. Mom and dad seemed to be at each others throats as longs as I can remember. The home was under constant threat of divorce. It was not as common as it is now but for me it was very troubling. I grew up with this nagging sense that I had no safe place and that love was highly unstable. ( She loves me, she loves me not )

Somewhere around the age of 10 I started to get really bad headaches. On one such time I was visiting a neighbor friend of my parents and she suggested I lay down and slept until it passed. She was always kind to me. I went to sleep and then woke as I heard a familiar voice. It was my father. I was curious why he was there. I went to see him and said “ Are you here to see if I was okay?” He said that he was. I was thinking how odd that he was doing that but I really wanted to believe that was true. I guess IO was never convinced at that age that I was really loved or appreciated at home. I really wanted to be so I accepted it as truth….. until I discovered that he was having an affair with that lady. That blow up was ugly which I got to see up front and personal. I was on my bicycle and going by that ladies house when my mother hollered for me to come in. I knew she was angry but I didn’t know why. I walked up the stairs and mom proceeded to tell me what this lady and dad were up to. There was lots of screaming. The ladies husband phoned and mom answered it. She tells the man what is going on and then takes the phone receiver and slams it into the woman’s face. At that point I left and so there blew up another place in my life that I found refuge in.Crying boy

Well the family split up for a while and my sister and I were moved to my aunts in a small village. She was a nice lady and so we needed to make new friends. Things were much quieter there and we settled in. One of my favourite things to do was to go into town to the racetrack and watch the horses go. One night mom took us ( during the separation period ) and my grandmother was there. ( dads mom ) It was time to go home and I wanted to stay later so my grandmother said I could stay and she would bring me home. That was great as my mom agreed. We the races were over I was in the car with her when she started to talk about the trouble with our family. I can’t remember what I said about it at the time but it was a negative comment regarding my father being the bad one. She got very upset and told me that it was not all dad’s fault because my mother was just an ol whore anyway. That comment sent me spinning as my one remaining parent was untrustworthy as well.Pain

It is funny how words can hurt and reshape you from one thing to another. My trust was destroyed as there was no place where you could trust other then I would need to trust my instincts and just watch myself. Where do you run as a child when home just isn’t home. It is funny but if someone were going to help me then and get me out of the mess I would have done whatever to stay there. My fear of the unknown was worse then the present fear I had. Yes betrayal can sure cause pain and the wounds are on the inside. Thankfully I discovered that there was a person who did love well and was willing to make me family. His love is unconditional and His home is indeed a safe place. His name is Jesus and He is very real. Anyway that is a few thoughts regarding betrayal that I found myself…… Just thinking

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2 thoughts on “Pain and it’s many forms

Add yours

  1. I am so sorry for your broken childhood and the pain you endured. I am so thankful you have found comfort and healing in the hands of Jesus, and I pray you will continue on this path to healing, as often, it takes a lifetime and a process of healing to become completely whole. Also, I pray you are able to use this story to help others along life’s path. There are so many who are in pain, or who have experienced pain, and they walk through this life wounded, never knowing who to turn to or learning to turn to the wrong things or people. Your story is one of Hope. Keep telling it. 😊 God bless.

  2. Thank you for your comment. Saddly in a broken world there are many similar and much worse stories out there but the answer for healing and redemption remains the same. Jesus. We were built to be loved both to give and receive so when it arrives damaged or not at all then we fail to operate in a healthy way as well. I would like to think that the things I share will give hope to someone out there. Thanks again for your kind words.

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