First I hear about the Lord and how good he is. It all sounds nice and I think I would like to be friends with Him. Things in my life are okay so I don’t see myself as one in need of Him. As life goes on Jesus is largely ignored until I find myself in trouble. Trouble that I can’t seem to overcome. Then I start to consider Jesus as a possible ally and one who can help me through or around my problem. I start to read the bible and learn more about Him. Then I offer up a prayer or two asking Him to come and rescue me from all my difficulties. If the problem I have is overcome, then I say a quick thanks and move on without Him. In a very short time I will conclude that it was my own brilliance or lady luck that was my solution.
Trouble comes knocking again and again I offer up my prayer hoping that things will work out once again. Maybe this time they don’t work out the way I want. I pray harder and maybe explain the importance of the situation to God and lay out a plan for Him to follow. I say I am waiting on God but I do not rest nor do I really trust God.So I try again to come up with a strategy on my own. So I continue to worry, scheme, maybe pray some more and if things fail to go my way I conclude that God has failed me. What’s wrong with this picture.
In my minds eye I see myself in a fortress of my own making. I of course am sitting on the throne. I am king here and the fortress is my life. It is built to keep me safe from the dangers that exist in this world. Every time I experience more pain or disappointment I go to work on strengthening the walls, raise the walls higher or add new ones. Self protection is something that is common to us all. God who is great in concept is kept on the outside because there can’t be two kings within these walls. Wanting God as my ally, I try and build a relationship with Him. I may start to go to church and or read the bible. I may also pray and let Him know all my wants and needs. From this position I really don’t know Him and nor can I.
I look out from within my fortress and there is Jesus standing at my door …..knocking. I refuse to answer the door. I talk to Him through the door and believe that He is for me and not against me but yet the door remains closed. I have always lived my life trusting in me and I am afraid to have that change. I believe that I am the only one who truly has my interest’s at heart and that Jesus will be taking things away from me and ultimately He will take away my throne. I know that those who love Him truly are willing to let go of things but I am not.
Staying within the walls of the fortress will never allow you to truly know Jesus. Everything is filtered through the lens of self so you remain confused and deceived to what is true. How do you ever know or have relationships with anyone if you have these walls between you? If I am to ever know love, I have to risk being hurt, but it is the only to experience love and life. From within the walls you live by your imagination where things seem to go your way but none of it is real.
If you come to the place of surrender and allow Jesus to come in everything will and does change. He will lead you out of your safe place and He will become your new safe place. When you look back at your old fortress you will see it through the lens of truth. The fortress no longer appears as a place of strength and safety but now is revealed as a prison. You were actually a prisoner and not a king with authority. Everything that you truly needed was denied you in that place and yet you were deceived into thinking you had them.
Self protection is just a prison that we willingly assign ourselves into. There is only one way to be free. We must be willing to surrender your trust and confidence in self and put it in Jesus now. He loves you more then you ever loved yourself and He knows exactly what you need to come to life. Apart from Him there is no life but just the illusion of life. The world you create for yourself is actually self destructive as we choose the ways of death over and over again.
John 12: 25 “The person who loves his life and pampers himself will miss true life! But the one who detaches his life from this world and abandons himself to me, will find true life and enjoy it forever! 26 If you want to be my disciple, follow me and you will go where I am going.[x] And if you truly follow me as my disciple,[y] the Father will shower his favor upon your life.